An Open Letter to my Daughter about my Work

Dear Darcy,

Our life is a juggling act.

Today I am sat in the dressing room of a theatre in Brussels, Belgium, about to give a speech to a room full of policy makers from the European Union. As I write this, you will be packing up your things at school and waiting to be walked round to the after-school club by your teacher and then Tina, will come and collect you, take you home and put you to bed at her house. I want to be holding your hand, picking you up, putting you to bed.

I'll finish my speech, attend an evening talking to key people, go back to my hotel, check my phone for texts from Tina, fall asleep, get up, come home and think of you because tomorrow is Daddy's day.

Our life is a mission in logistics. We use every hour carefully and I plan our calendars as carefully as I can. I try to schedule my work commitments on your Daddy days so that when you're with me, I'm there. I value my time with you above my time with anyone or anything else in the world. YOU are my world.

Except, right now, it's just us, a team of two. There are bills to pay, school fees to cover, things to buy and for those, I have to work. I love to work. I feel such a thrill when a project succeeds or something great happens. I'm motivated and hard working and I hope as you grow, you'll see that and be it too.

---

Rather fittingly, I got called on stage for a rehearsal and had to close my laptop. It's now almost a month later and I'm finding a moment to write this post. My blog always comes last in the list of things in our life.

Today I'm in London working at the Gleam office whilst you're at your Daddy's again. I miss you. I think about how I'd like to be at home, near your warm little head which is currently perfect height for me to absent mindedly run my hand over your soft hair.

I feel torn every day. I want to work. I want to work hard. I have a long list of things I want to achieve and dreams I want to make reality. I want to make an incredible life for you. You're only 5 and I'm already putting things in place to financially secure your future. I'm proud that I can afford your school fees and I'm proud to give you the things you need.

As soon as I drop you at school, I drive home and start my emails. Then, at 2.55pm, I shut them down and come for you. Waiting at the school gates is my favourite part of the day. I go into full Mummy mode and stay there till you've gone to bed and I can start my laptop up again.

The problem is, sometimes I have to do a whole day, or come into London or work at an event at a weekend and it does eat into my time with you. It's not often but when it does happen, my heart hurts.  It aches to be at home with you, being cosy, having our chats in the car, playing fairies on the landing or running around at the 'secret park' we love. 

I miss a lot of work things too, which I feel bad about. I'm skipping my work Christmas Party so I can watch your school play. Obviously, I'd MUCH rather see you be the lead sheep in this year's nativity, but those Christmas parties are so freaking good and I'll be bombarded with everyone's photos the next day.

I'm getting there though I think. When I'm at work I say, 'I'm doing this for us, for our now and for our future' and when I'm missing work I say, 'work will still be there but 5 year old you won't'. Soon you'll be 6 and then 7 and then 8! Slow down baby girl!

Our life is a juggling act but look at us go! We are a team of two and somehow, we're managing! I'm proud of how far we've come together. I'm learning every day how better to juggle our commitments and you're learning every day the power of motivation and determination. I'm so proud of the person you are becoming. Your kind heart constantly impresses me. Your morals are high and so are your spirits- you're going to go so far, little girlie!

And, if you do decide to put your skills into running a business and juggling motherhood like your Mama, I'll be here. I'll help you with your child, do your admin, offer pep talks and remind you that being a hard working mummy is admirable. You won't be neglecting your baby or being selfish, you'll be filling a potential you feel compelled to explore and I will salute you, proudly.

I love you Darcy, whether we're curled up in bed reading 'The Giant Jam Sandwich', singing to Beauty and the Beast in the car or whether I'm sat in a sixth floor office on Charlotte Street, London, I love you. You are always my top, best and most.

Love Forever,

Mummy xxx

How To Survive A Sick Day

Oh Hai,

Long time no blog. Well, long time no publish I should say. I've been writing a lot of blog posts and then saving them to drafts, meaning to finish them later. But, with writing the novel, cracking on with more videos, enjoying a new relationship and Mumming, the blog has taken a back seat. Poor old blog, I do love you but you're always the first to drop off when things get too much. I promise to love you more. 

Anyway, soothing my blog as if it's a real person aside, I'm here today to give you my highly professional and expert (not) tips on how to survive a sick day. 

On Sunday, in the car Darcy got sick. Like projectile puke up the back of my passenger seat/ruined her car seat/drenched her clothes sick. Sick sick. The sick continued at home and my house now has a faint vom odour to welcome anyone who dares set foot in it. Yummy. Yesterday there was less sick but we still managed a good spray around the house and this morning my bed pillows took the brunt of it. She's keeping water down and a little bit of food but the poor mite isn't having a very nice time. 

Thankfully, spirits are high but energy is low. These are the things I've been doing to make my life easier. 

(This post isn't medical advice, you should do that yourselves, this is just the extra bits to make life easier)

How To Survive A Sick Day

Gather every bit of patience. Your little one can't help it but they're going to be on High Demand settings. Whiny, moany, needy. That's fine for a day or two but after a while it wears thin. Each hour I remind myself how much I hate being ill and how much difference a loving, warm, kind heart can have to your patient. 

Let go of yours and their schedule. Trust me, just wipe everything on your to-do list for a couple of days if you can. When you take away that pressure and your only job is to be Mummy, it's a lot easier to cope. Most things can wait. 

Make a base to keep life central. We've made camp upstairs. Darcy has been living in the guest room because the bed is closer to my bed, toys have been dragged out to the landing so I can see her from my room (I've been doing some editing and emails whilst she plays) and of course, the bathroom is on hand. Food is bought upstairs, blankets are everywhere, life is good up here. 

Find every towel in the house and put them EVERYWHERE. Towels are your friends during this time. I've learnt the hard way that little children don't aim into bowls. Oh no, they just let it all out. At least if you have towels down by the bed and over the covers of the bed, you can scoop them up and protect what's underneath. 

Have a bucket or bowl in every room. I almost broke my neck running for the bowl when I heard her coughing yesterday. New plan, multiple bowls, multiple rooms. 

Get everyone in PJ's. You're not going out so why are you confining yourself to a bra. F*ck that. Put little one in PJ's (and expect to go through a few pairs if they're sick) and put yourself in something comfortable too. 

Tie up everyone's hair. You'd think it's just the sicky person who needs this but alas, after carrying Darcy up the stairs and having a bit of an....incident...all down my back, I wished my hair had been tied up. 

Charge the iPad and load up Netflix. A TV day is FINE if they're ill. I know we all talk about less screen time and more active play but if they're not well, don't worry. You're not going to give them brain rot if they have a day of Mr Tumble. You on the other hand...

Don't be afraid to ring 111. If things get beyond what you're comfortable or familiar with, phone 111 NHS Direct. They're amazing with advice and offer real peace of mind that you're taking the best course of action. You can never be too careful so you don't need to feel silly or guilty about making that call. 

Keep yourself well. When you're caring for your tiny, it's easy to forget caring for yourself but it's important you stay fed, watered and healthy so you can continue being their nurse. I've had a hot bubble bath every night after a sick day. It helps. 

Keep on top of laundry if you can. I was tempted to knock that off my to-do list when I cleared the schedule but I soon ran low on towels and PJ's so if you can, keep throwing those loads in. I've never been more grateful for my washing machine than this week!! 

Treats, treats, treats! We have been finding that fairies leave dollies on the landing for poorly children. I think it's nice to give them something a bit extra when they're having a rough time. I think the fairy dollies were a much needed pick-me-up in Darcy's day and well worth Liam's late night trip to the supermarket to buy one. 

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I'd love to hear what you do when your little is under the weather- for them and also for you. Parents of more than one child- I tip my cap to you! Single motherhood and one sick child was a challenge, I don't know how Mamas of multiples manage!!

Toodlepip!

xx

Can YOU Handle It?

Oh Hai,

Merry Monday my dear readers. Did you have good weekends? We did. It was a weekend of friends and a full house. On Saturday I had my ladies (that sounds weird. I mean, my chums who are women and we hang out a lot as a group because we all like each other. Yes, good. #LongWinded) and their kindereggs (children) round for the evening. 

We ate, watched Strictly Come Dancing, the kids went wild upstairs (how do they cause SO much destruction in such a small space? Where did they find the blue-tac?? How did they adhere all that glitter to their faces???) and we chatted in the cosiness. Nights like that are my favourite. They're the stuff of childhood memories- all the Mum's downstairs and children playing together in the dark evenings. Love love love. 

Anyway, Motivational Monday today. I'm typing this at 9am to get myself going for the day too and this week, it's a tough love post. 

(Image found on Pinterest)

Last week I spent some time with someone who was definitely a 'glass if half empty' kind of a gal. She found the bad in everything, moaned about her life and when we talked about a few things she wanted to achieve, she said she couldn't do it. 

When I left, I felt a bit flat. Life is hard, achieving the things we want to can take a long time, sometimes people along the way will be unkind, there will be set backs, things can be unfair. 

Do you know who can change that for you? You. Do you know who's job it is to get you what you want? You. Do you know who can do whatever they want in the whole word? YOU. 

If I've learnt anything over the last couple of years, it's that you can do a LOT more than you think you are capable of. The things you think are really scary really aren't that bad when you face them head on and when needed, you can muster up a lot more strength than people think you can. 

You are in charge of your life. Nobody owes you anything and nobody is going to do it for you. Just you. To some people that will sound really harsh and perhaps a bit upsetting. I've been that person. I've wanted to be rescued many a time. But, the minute you achieve a tiny thing you thought you couldn't, you are invigorated to try more, motivated to exceed. Taking a positive charge of your life is one of the most liberating things you can do. 

This week, think about ways in which you can do something you didn't think you could. I'm not talking climbing mountains (unless that's you're thing of course!) but maybe make that phone call you've been putting off, ask that guy on a date, tackle that pile of paper work that felt daunting and then see how amazing you feel afterwards. You've got this, you can handle it. 

Good luck!!

Toodlepip!

xx