I spend a lot of my time not doing the things I want to do because I'm scared. For the past couple of years I have had fits and bursts of pushing myself (I bought a car and forced myself to drive on motorways which now feel easy, I said yes to more local social activities and made new friends) but lately, I'm really going for it.
(Source - Pinterest)
If you watched this video you will know that the guy I was dating since Jan/Feb time broke up with me (I'd love to sit and moan about all the reasons why but you'd hate him and I'm not about spreading bad feelings so let's leave it be) and for a while, I hid away. I had a little cry and mope and vowed to never do fun stuff again. Then, the clouds cleared and I felt good again. I started going out lots, taking good care of myself, loving who I am and the gorgeous life I have been given. I decided to have a summer just saying yes to (most, ;) haha) offers.
Last week the opportunity came up for me to go to Malaga, Spain for 2 nights. There was a quick work opportunity but also a friend of mine from waaaayyyy back in my Liverpool days was travelling round the south coast and would be in town at the same time as me. He (yes a boy, no not a romantic scenario boy though- just thought I'd quell any excitement there) suggested I go out and just enjoy the town and hang out and in a moment of bravery, I said yes!!
To you, this might not seem like a big deal. To me, a person with quite severe travel issues, these are the things that freaked me out-
Having to book my flights myself. I was worried I'd do it wrong.
Having to navigate the airport alone and time manage by myself.
Seeing a friend I haven't seen for over 5 years.
Being in a country I can't communicate well in.
Booking and staying at a hotel alone that I haven't been before or has recommended by a friend.
Ordering food from a menu I don't understand well.
Trying new foods.
Being too hot and not knowing my friend well enough to say it's hugely bothering me.
The potential of getting lost.
Ordering, communicating in and paying in a foreign currency in taxis.
All the flight stuff but for the return journey.
Yes, I know, these to some people sound absolutely pathetic but to me, they are very real. Fear is all subjective. Put me on the world's biggest roller coaster and I'll love it, stand me on a stage in front of thousands and I'm fine, leave me with a screaming baby and I'm chilled but travelling, no.
I could have said 'no thank you'. Left the work thing and wished my friend a good trip. But, I didn't. My life is for living. Each day is the opportunity for an adventure and so is yours. Your days are limited and you energy won't last forever. Do things. Try stuff. I'm not saying I'm off to go backpacking round the jungle any time soon but a city mini break at 3 days notice, yeah, maybe that's doable.
The airport had it's challenges (I didn't bring enough money to pay my taxi durrr) but I sorted it, the taxi driver in Malaga understood which hotel I was at, it was super hot but there was shade, my friend was really lovely to me, I tried fresh fish in a cheesey sauce thing and whilst I won't have it again, it wasn't awful, I enjoyed wandering about and seeing where it led, I learnt that euros are basically the same as pounds and I took deep breaths whenever I felt the fear swirling in. It was fine. I saw things I wouldn't have seen (a harbour with water so clear you could see every fish, a brass band procession winding through a tiny little alley, art by Picasso!! It was a new and exciting experience.
I've been home one day and I've notched up my personal bravery points. I feel really bloomin' good about that. Thank you to my friend (who preferred not to be in pics or vlogs) for encouraging me to grab the bull by the horns.
I encourage you. I encourage you so, so much to do a brave thing this week. You don't need to go absolutely wild but just take a little step into the danger zone. It's very liberating to take control of your fears. I'm going to to do it more.