The Ring, The Bump and Me!

Aloha Bloggerinos,

It's been a while since I did a 'life' post so I thought we'd have a break from cosmetics and have a chat. Are you sitting comfortable? Then let's begin.

Well it's been over 5 weeks since my big white wedding and the bump is blossoming nicely.

Being married has been surprising for me. I was quite apprehensive before the wedding because I worried that I might feel trapped or old. I know, I know, why did I get married if I thought that? I only thought that a tiny bit at the back of my mind and the rest was joy that I was marrying a man who treats me with compassion, kindness, generosity and a great deal of love. He even let's me have a cat, despite not being a pet person! As far as spending the rest of your life with someone goes, I'm fairly sure I've got a good'un.

So, I digress, since being married I haven't felt old or trapped, I've felt proud and secure. I feel proud to say 'Mrs Watson' and pleased to tick the 'Mrs' box on forms. As for feeling secure, this is by far the best bit. I felt secure beforehand, but now it seems to be a much deeper version of it. Like things really are for richer for poorer (the latter being the present, urgh, spare few hundred anyone?), in sickness and in health, til death us do part. I like this. I like knowing that we made this commitment and are both keen on sticking to it. I'm not overly religious but I do believe in a God of sorts and saying the vows in church makes them more sticking somehow.

As you can imagine, being pregnant was the icing on the cake. We had always planned to have a baby when we were married, but we were blessed 12 weeks earlier than that and I finally feel good again. The first 14 weeks were AWFUL. I knew you were meant to feel sick and tired but this was ridiculous. It got so bad I ended up in my midwife's office crying that I was rubbish at being pregnant! Good old hormones eh?!

Now I'm 17 weeks along and blooming! I love it! I have a nice bump, cravings for roast chicken crisps and finding myself thinking what it will be like when I have a teeny weeny baby that will be all mine and Matt's to treasure.

I didn't have a nice childhood. My mum was ill with cancer from when I was 5 to 7 years old and sadly lost her fight 5 days before Christmas. Very soon (too soon) after, my Dad married a horrid woman who was physically and mentally abusive to me, until my Dad divorced her when I was 15. I haven't mentioned this before because 1) It's not nice and 2) I don't want you to think I'm some sort of victim. I won't go into too much detail but it was a horrific time for me. The one and only good thing that came out of all of that sadness and violence was my little sister who is a total gem, and will be a super duper Auntie/babysitter mwahaha! Please don't feel sorry for me or think I am some sadcase who sits rocking in a corner and crying over my lost youth, because I'm not, I am very happy. I'm not ashamed of what happened to me and if I can use it to enhance my life now, I will. I use this awful past as a tool to make my future better.

So with all that sh*tty childhood (sorry to swear but that really warrants it), you can imagine how completely thrilled I am to be getting the loving family I always wanted. I want my baby to have the life I didn't, with a mummy that isn't ill (fingers crossed) and a daddy who notices and cares.

I feel like someone has given me a giant present wrapped in sparkly paper with a massive bow and said "here you go Louise, have everything you ever wanted" and whenever I think about it like that, I smile to myself.

What makes you smile to yourself?

Toodlepip!

xx

Image lovingly borrowed from wehearit.com