Aloha Sprinklerinos,
I'm such a jumble of emotions at this moment and with Matt out to dinner and my friends not answering their phones (how dare they have lives on a Saturday night?), this pastel coloured little slice of the net will be my outlet.
(All images from my insta)
There is a huge rain storm raging at the moment where I live and as I popped up to Darcy's room to close the window a bit, I found myself crawling into her bed and laying with her whilst she slept. I looked at her mouth and her eyelashes and her eyebrows and tiny finger nails. I noted the way she must always have her comfort blanket a certain way and always holds dolly to her chest and I watched her breath and wondered what innocent dreams were playing out in her little head. I almost cried. I don't know why.
I wasn't sad or overjoyed or overwhelmed or worried. I just felt sort of sad for the person I'm not.
I'm not the organic earth mother that provides only wooden Montessori toys and I'm not the power suit career woman who wears red lipstick like a pro. I'm not the wife who asks if her Husband slept well each morning (or ever) and yet I'm not the woman who hold court in a trendy bar whilst people adore her every move. Is anyone any of these things? Can you be all of them at once?
Life is such a frustrating concoction of trying to be happy, trying to make other people happy, trying to succeed, trying to be humble, trying, trying, trying.
My frustration is that I want to be all things 100% but with only 100 of those pesky per cents to go round, you gotsta spread them out a bit. That's the hard part. How many of those per cents do you give to being the heart warming, open armed mother? And how many do you give to being the witty livewire at a party (NB- I have never been the 'witty livewire', it's on my to-do list and a girl can speculate ok)? Am I sacrificing some of the good wife per cents to be a career woman? But doesn't being a good career woman provide for my family and so enhance the mother percentage slice? You see the frustration?
I don't have the answers. This isn't one of those fabulous posts (that I do oh-so-often har har) that leaves you with a wonderfully upbeat solution to life's unanswerable questions but more a pontification. Something that trickled into my mind this evening as I watched my three year old sleep an easy sleep. I want to give her all of my per cents for always.
Toodlepip.
xx
Louise this was really beautifully written. I don't really have anything to add other than to say we all feel this way and you're doing a fantastic job. From watching your videos it's so clear you're a passionate mother and wife and friend and it's also obvious you love your job.
ReplyDeleteSending my love,
Niamh
niamhsdream.blogspot.co.uk
you are the absolute sweetest mum i know. keep doing what your doing, i would kill for a mom like you :) xx
ReplyDeleteDedication, passion, love, and hope make up the percentages of your being (yes...you) you distribute them in each action, smile, random act of kindness and each moment you spend with Darcy. So, it's not a case of trying to spread the percentages out and trying to be everything, or wanting to be everything - it's simply accepting that to those around you, you're everything - whether you realize that or not, accepting it might be a challenge, but that's your own personal battle. much love xoxox
ReplyDeleteaoifeinwonderland.wordpress.com
I could not agree more to this comment. Louise you are way more than what you think you might be. You are an inspiration. You are a wonderful person, friend, mother, wife, blogger, Youtuber and all that. Smile because you have given more than a hundred percent of yourself. Your love multiplies and it goes on to an infinite set of numbers that never end. We all get thoughts like these but shove it away because you are more than that. Thank you for being a ray of sunshine to many people me included. :)
Deletehttps://annescribblesanddoodles.blogspot.com/
Aww Louise! It's perfectly okay to feel like this. Know that you are IN NO WAY alone! And thank you for being honest, posts like this make me happy because it shows me that nobody has a 'perfect life' and that I'm not alone. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteLove you, hugs! <33
There is absolutely no-one in the world that is 100% at everything! If your child is happy and contented (which it appears she is) and you have a hubs who loves you for who you are, then you are doing it 100% right for you and them.
ReplyDeleteKeep doing what you're doing, because what you are doing is fab x
louise this is so well written, hope you start to feel better tho <3
ReplyDeletechar xo
halfofthebluesky.blogspot.co.uk
That was so beautiful and so true, it can be hard to give a hundred percent to everything but I think you're doing a pretty good job! :)xx
ReplyDeleteLouise you are a great mum and thank you for being so honest about your worries.. it makes us all feel a little more normal to know someone else is thinking the same things. All we can do is try our best as you say.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was probably one of the best posts because it really got me thinking. Nobody's life can be perfect. I really admire your honesty xx
ReplyDeleteThis really gets me thinking! I think spreading those percents out makes you the person that you are. You can be 100% in everything but it's how you balance it out that makes you the great person that you are. From even only the minuscule amount of your life that you or any youtuber or blogger shares with us on the internet compared to how much actually goes on, I think you have the perfect percentage of all the things you want to be! Don't let not being able to be everything get you down, because you've picked the best things to be and the right percentages, everything links together! Xx
ReplyDeleteLots of love
Sam xx
www.sampears.com
www.schoeeoakley.tumblr.com
Don't worry, Louise.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing just fine :) xxx
You're not alone, friend. While I'm not a mother, I struggle with the 100%-ism on the daily. All anyone can do is try to do the best you can, with what you have, for the people that you love. I talk a good game when saying that - It's a truth I'm learning to apply :)
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't know you, you seem like a great mother, a wonderful wife, a valued friend, and a good person. Keep your head up.
Best wishes!
Once you try your best at everything that is more than good enough. Although yes, we don't see you day-to-day being a mother, you seem like a pretty amazing mum and I think that Darcy, and Matt, will value this now and in the future.
ReplyDeleteEveryone thinks confusing thoughts at times, it's okay not to be okay!
I adore your blog Louise and yourself of course too.
Hope you feel much better soon,
I'd LOVE if you could check out my blog! (you're kind of the reason I started writing one in the first place!)
www.tellityourwayy.blogspot.com
Zoe x
I think the fact that you're worrying about these things means you're doing something right! Every mother/wife thinks they fall far short from perfect when in fact it's your imperfections that make you the best at it! Darcy and Matt are so lucky to have you and so are we!! Oh and you are most defiantly a "witty live wire"
ReplyDeletecrosscontinentfashionista.blogspot.com
Just remember you're perfect! You're perfect for Darcy, perfect for Matt, perfect for your friends and perfect for all of your sprinklerinos!! Keep smiling :) xxx
ReplyDeleteLove!! <3
ReplyDeleteYou write beautifully and I love reading anything by you. You're an amazing person and a fantastic mum and wife all at once.
ReplyDeleteAmazzable xox
rawramazzable.blogspot.co.uk
You are such a smart, strong, beautiful woman. I truly admire you.
ReplyDeletehttp://lalolasblog.blogspot.co.at/
I struggle with that kind of thoughts very often. Always want to give 100%. Not only for me but for the once I love (and yes, I am one of the once I have to love....and that is the point).
ReplyDeleteYou can never give 100% on everything (it's sad, but it's true...and it's also not sad, because to focus only on one thing make you forget other things). 100% mean 100% of your life and I even don't want to spend 100% of my life just living for one thing..never mind if it's my beloved family or my carrier.
I think it's important to find out how you want to split your life percentige. And yes, it's okay to overthink your self picked arrangement and maybe adapt it to your new life situation. But it's not okay to demand a not accomplishable conception from yourself.
I don't know you Louise, but you appear like a caring and loving person. Everybody has those days where they have to think over their decisions and their impact of the world (sounds strange but I think/hope everybody does that). You'll manage it, I'm sure.
Greetings Julia :)
PS.: I'm sorry for my million mistakes. I'm unfortunaly not from England.
Louise, you are a wonderful mother, doting wife and fantastic business lady. You are a very inspirational and admirable woman, you are doing just fine. No one can give 100 per cent to each part of their being. You are doing wonderfully as you are. Xxx
ReplyDeleteThis is such a cute, heart-felt blog post and I love reading them because they bring you back down to earth and make you realise how lucky you are, no matter how much of a bad day you've had.
ReplyDeleteKatie. X
www.vanillainnovember.blogspot.co.uk
Louise, thank you for staying humble and so honest with your viewers. Its weird cause I've been having similar thoughts this evening, friends all working, social life non existent at the moment which makes me feel restless and uneasy. Enjoy reading your blog :) xx
ReplyDeleteYou may not consider yourself to be any of these specific things but you are YOU and I don't think there's anything quite as rewarding. You're an incredible mother - a strong, passionate, selfless and beautiful person. You are wonderfully unique. If I'm half the mother you are when I have children I will be so so proud. x
ReplyDeletehttp://missemr.blogspot.co.uk
Do you ever get the slightest bit freaked out because someone posts/comments/mentions something that you've been thinking about for what seems like the LONGEST time and they express feelings that you can't help but relate to so much that it makes you wanna cry?
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's what you just did to me Lou. Granted, my specific things-I-wanna-be are very different, that doesn't change the fundamental feelings of inadequacy and longing to be the 'perfect' being who I am not.
From my perspective, you're doing great. And I know you'll continue to be great and find solutions where you feel you are lacking.
I can only hope the same for myself!
LOTS o love and hugs
xxxxx Kim
(kimidol.blogspot.com)
I am not a mother but I really connect to this post. There are a million things I want to do and a million things that I want to be better at but I know that I probably will never achieve them or do better at them.
ReplyDeleteSuch an amazing piece of writing, you're an amazing mum to Darcy and I can't wait to the day where I have children of my own and share those thoughts and connections <3
ReplyDeletedellalovesnutella.blogspot.co.uk
Thank you for sharing Louise. We all feel like this sometimes.xx
ReplyDeleteThank you so so much for this lovely post. Beautifully written and you captured the feeling perfectly. I think we've all had that feeling at some point. As long as you do your best and keep moving forwards you're doing amazingly well!! Treasure each moment and keep smiling! :-)
ReplyDeleteI just know you less than a month but I knew that you're such a genuine and lovely person.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.wakethetime.com
Louise, you can only be the best version of you - everyone else is taken, or so they say. Everyone has those days where you look back, or forward, and just think "what if?". Who knows what we could have been or what we will be, all we know is what we are now and how far we have come to be the person we see in front of the mirror. You're incredible, you're a hero to so many - that's not because of your perfections, or necessarily your mistakes. It's just because whatever life hands you, you take and deal with it the best way ever. You are you, and you are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteJemma from www.jemmainwords.co.uk
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI fully understand and empathise with wanting to be ALL THE THINGS! Syliva Plath has a great quote which sums up how I feel sometimes -
ReplyDelete"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
But I think it's ok to mourn all the people we'll never be. I'll never be a champion skiier, or a supermodel, but I think we become exactly who we were meant to be, and I'm okay with that :)
I was literally about to post that quotation here. I have a tattoo of a fig tree because of this.
DeleteThis is something I've been thinking about recently too. But without our lives making us juggle the percentages, our lives would be perfect, plain sailing and boring. You're only going to carry on growing and developing as a person so don't worry, Louise :)
ReplyDeleteLots of love,
Monica xxxx
I LOVE this post. I am only 20, not married or with kids (yet) but I can totally relate to this post in a way. I think we all go through phases like this in life, and it's so confusing and difficult but it passes. I guess we just have to learn to be content with our lives because lets face it, although we don't have everything we might like - we could be a hell of a lot worse off. Focus on the postives and what you have, and look towards the future and working towards your dreams xxx
ReplyDeleteSuch an amazing piece of writing, and beautiful pictures.
ReplyDeleteLovely post as always Louise<3
-Lauren xoxo
http://pretty-things-a-n-d-polka-dots.blogspot.co.uk/
This was so beautiful to read, that this brought tears to my eyes. You clearly love your family so much and that is so heart warming.
ReplyDeleteMy mum always worries that she failed me and my brother. But like I always tell her "Did you do your best? Are your children alive, happy, and healthy?" You remind me so much of my mum: Kind, selfless, and scarily nice! There is no one way to parent but you really are an excellent mother Louise. You get to spend the vast majority of your days watching Darcy grow and learn. You put her first and you take care of her so well. You're an amazing mother. Truly.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post! I'm 20 and a single parent to my little boy and i have those moments where my mind fills with all these thoughts and it's very reassuring hearing that I'm not the only one so thank you for sharing this!
ReplyDeletePaige xx
starzhideyourfires.blogspot.com
This post was beautifully written, focus on the positives like you've taught us and just remember that your Sprinklerinos will be here with you and support you! :)
ReplyDeleteYou're my idol and I really look up to you! :)
Kiki xx
This is such a beautiful and touching post! It seems to me that you try your absolute best and work hard to be the best mother, wife and person you can bee, and you know what? I think that's more than enough. No one can be perfect, but that's fine. You can be pretty great anyway.
ReplyDeletexx Mimmi, Muted Mornings
As a reader of your blog and viewer of your channels, I can only see so much of your life, but from what I can see, you are a brilliant mother and a fantastic wife! No one is perfect and I don't think anyone can give 100% to anything without lacking a little in other aspects of their life, but you seem like the sort of person who always tries her very best to give as much of a "percent" as they can!
ReplyDeleteYou're a wonderful, kind hearted person Louise and I hope you realise that and know that one day, little Miss Darcy will be saying these words to you and telling you how fantastic a mother you've always been to her. And the best bit about it all is she'll be able to look back at this post and say, sheesh mumma you were being a little bit silly weren't you! :p
Also, you're a fantastic career woman, you've done and achieved so much over the last few years and you know you've made some fantastic friendships along the way, *COUGH COUGH* Marie!
I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening and if none of your friends pick up their phones, i'd most certainly be up for a skype haha! Well, if you don't ask you don't get :P
Enjoy your evening, mwah xxx
this was so beautiful and such a wonderful post, i wish you all the happiness in the world. I love you and keep being aninspirational and amazing woman that you are. Be happy Lou xxx
ReplyDeleteThat's a question I think we all have to think about at a certain point of our lives. I find it incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that I cannot be everything that I've imagined myself to be, that I've wanted to be. I mean - it's so obviously impossible, because nobody has 500% to give. It's a thing I struggle with a lot - and I'm not even a mother - so thank you for writing this, for making readers feel less alone. Everyone else just seems so 'together' and it's hard to imagine other people struggling with the same thought.
ReplyDeleteAgain, thank you. You're such an amazing person.
♥zsófi
This post is a prime example of why I love blogging; seeing other people demonstrating that they have similar thoughts to you and actually being able to put them into functional sentences! Striking the balance between all aspects of life while staying true to yourself is a thing that I think most people disregard; though this community clearly doesn't which is a relief xx
ReplyDeletetheamygill.blogspot.com
The people you see that you think are the perfect mother, wife and colleague have their own issues that they hide away under the surface and they are insecure too. Nobody is perfect and that's okay x
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said ��
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautifully written and sums up exactly how I feel sometimes, I'm not even a mother - just a massive worrier and over-thinker. Thank you! x
ReplyDeletekeptquiet27.blogspot.co.uk
You are such a beautiful human being and quite honestly a fantastic mother and wife. Of course you are going to strive to improve on that as is anyone, I mean we all try to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. But I really wouldn't worry about spreading your time out and justifying the moments of your life when you feel an overwhelming sense to be providing for others. because you can look at it as a glass half empty and half full, but just look at it in the perspective that when you are giving a percentage to your mummy career side, you are encouraging Darcy to work hard to be the independent women she will aspire to become. And when you are away travelling you are soaking up culture In Which you can tell her stories of, bringing out the adventurer in her.
ReplyDeleteYou are the best version of you, you can be and the best mum you have become in the process and a very special one at that. In the moments that you question how spreading your percentages out will effect various relations please remember that you inspire others in the way you handle life (including balancing every little thing out) you have a beautiful daughter and supportive husband who grow as you grow with the time you spend 'balancing' each aspect of daily life so keep being the best and try not to worry you are doing just fine. X
Love from Ella. -Ourstrangefairytale.blog. xxx
DeleteThis was so well written! I'm a mother too and these are my exact feelings sometimes! Xx
ReplyDeleteHey Louise,
ReplyDeleteI deeply read your blogpost and even if I don't have a husband or a baby, a lot of people can relate to the feelings you are talking about.
Life is challenging, being a human being is not easy. Life is full of little rooms and boxes you trying to fit in and out. Find the right place and the right time...And sometimes, you don't find the wax to do it as smooth as usual.
I have a full time job, I love blogging, doing my videos on youtube, I'm doing weight watchers with up and downs, I live in the north of France from and my best friend and family are in the south, I want to pass a sport certificat to give zumba class, and more... I want to give everything of myself and be 100% on top but I just can't. It's not easy to deal witith everything...And I think, the most important part is not to loose yourself in all those things. Sometimes you just need to stop for a moment and think about everything, having like a "pour parler" and try figure it out the priorities, where are your desire?
Plus, we can't be happy and bubbly everyday of life, sometimes we just are armless in front of a sleeping child or when we are seeing/reading something special...
I don't know if I made any point but the sprinkles are here for you
All the best and kisses and hugs
xoxo
Sarah
I completely understand what you're saying, and I am always trying to figure out what percents of my self I should dedicate to different aspects of who I am. However, although you may want to be 100% one type of person, I think that would get boring; you would be one dimensional. I think it's best to be a mix!! And every part of you can give 100% to Darcy: the career focused side, the organic mom, the witty livewire. Every part of you can give all your percents for always :)
ReplyDeleteAbby xx
www.abbyfletcher.blogspot.com
Cheer up. Everyone has these days :)
ReplyDeleteL x
Http://workingmumy.blogspot.com
i'm not a mother, but i think we can all relate to wanting to be everything (and not being able to). you seem to be doing such a beautiful job of managing it all though. recently even the CEO of PepsiCo said that we can't have it all. I think she's right.
ReplyDeletexo Julianne
http://reallifesurreallife.blogspot.com
Be the best version of you. There is always room for improvement. But that does NOT mean you have to be, try and do everything at once! Everyone is blessed with talents and the world would be boring if everyone would be good at everything. I'm sure you've got talents too, maybe you're still in the proces of denying them by trying to be good at everything, which you absolutely don't have to do! Like i said you can always improve your ignorant (?) talents, but don't worry if they're not as good as (e.g.) an other mom. Everyone has their flaws but that defenitely does not mean you can't be a great mom!I'm sure you are a great mom for Darcy and wife for Matt, don't worry about that (whoops that rhymes). Sometimes trying too hard makes you feeling only worse! (Although I'm sure everyone has this feeling at a point in their life)
ReplyDeleteLots of love, Ruby
You're really likely not to read this, but i'd hate myself if I never told you how I felt! Firstly, I'm not a mum so I can't say 'I understand how you feel', I can however give you something from what I'd imagine Darcy's perspective to be like. I love my mum. She's given up 100% of her life for me and for that I am utterly grateful. She does however, take things as they are. My mum used to have huge goals and aspirations but gave them up for us, and for that I feel guilty. My mum's done so much for me and my little sister that even if I worked hard every single day of my life just for.her it wouldn't be enough. Darcy, I promise you Louise, will look up to you more than anything. Everyone can see you're an amazing mother, and Darcy will look back at your Blogposts and Vlogs and admire you. She'll see you as we have, working hard to get somewhere pretty amazing. You're my inspiration Louise, and you'll sure as hell be Darcy's too! xxx
ReplyDeleteBeautiful und poetic.
ReplyDeleteThis was so lovely! Do your best, be yourself and do what you feel is right in your heart of hearts. Darcy comes first no matter what, but you can find a place to be content with everything. I think you found it tonight, lying and watching Darcy sleep. The fact you are worried about these things, says to me you're probably already doing a pretty damn good job, you just gotta have faith..... *cue George Michael*
ReplyDeleteLove
xxx
www.cathaura.blogspot.co.uk
You might not be any of those things you listed above but I know you are special just as you are; cherished, loved and fabulous!
ReplyDeleteZxx
beautiful! xx
ReplyDeletehttp://nastyadts.blogspot.co.uk
I loved this post Louise! You are so genuine and I adore you for it. =]
ReplyDeleteCarolyn | BLOG
Louise, this was really beautifully written -- thank you for sharing! (: even though it's a bit of a departure from your usual stuff but regardless I really enjoy reading your blog/watching your videos bc I think you're amazing, interesting, bright, funny, smart -- yes all of those things (I sound like I'm writing you a love letter LOL but I guess a fan letter is basically the same thing).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, what I wanted to say was I think you're doing amazing just the way you are now -- but also, of course, it's not wrong to want to be more than you are, to improve, to strive to be better. (: I'm wrestling with that now a bit myself, haha. But I wish you all the best! :)
<3, Jessie from Canada
Jessie
you've been wonderful, you are wonderful and you will continue to be wonderful, remember that
ReplyDeletelibertysdailybits.blogspot.co.uk
hey louise :)
ReplyDeletemaybe i am totally wrong because i am just a teenage girl or because i have no idea about being a mother but it seems as if manage life pretty! I know, we do not get to see all parts of your life, especially not the bad ones but i think you shouldn't be to harsh on yourself. You seem to be a wonderful mother, friend, wife and human as a whole :) but i do understand that everyone including you has those moments where xou just don't think you can manage everything.. Maybe i'm misinterpreting but for me it seemed in this post as if you are thinking in a bit of a box.. Don't limit yourself to 100%! Your worth far more than 100 and i think you can decide yourself how much exactly, if there should somewhere be a certain number to find! Don't get me wrong, I love the post and the fact that you choose us to tell your problem to. I hope to maybe have been able to help you a bit or , i don't know, just make you think about it from a different view :)
marie xx
You're an amazing mother; I could only hope to be as awesome as you if I do decide I want to be a mother one day... Thanks for sharing with us Louise! It's nice to have someone to admire :)
ReplyDeleteArianne | http://ariannecruz07.blogspot.com
I think you're an amazing mother!
ReplyDeletehttp://laurenslittleblogs.blogspot.co.uk/
xx
I always so excited when you post! I loved it! If you had a moment could you check out my new post! I would love your input.
ReplyDeletehttp://simplyeasierliving.blogspot.com/
Thanks
Laura
You may not be those things but you are 100% you. From what I read and see (which I know is only a teeny tiny proportion of your life) you seem like a fantastic mother, a wonderful wife and an amazing friend. I know how it feels to need to fit into a 'mould' of sorts, but you don't need the red lipstick and suits to be great at what you do and build a career for yourself, and you don't need to do specific things to prove that you're a great girlfriend/wife. I don't know what it's like to be a mother, but my mum has always said to me that when you have children suddenly nothing matters anymore. You'll put their happiness first and never once think of your needs over theirs. It seems like you definitely do this with Darcy.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that you are you and you don't need defining.
Also I don't think I've ever actually commented on one of your posts before, but I'm a long-time viewer and reader and I think you're definitely (not to put you on a pedestal, because we don't want that) a bit of an inspiration x
Dear Louise,
ReplyDeleteLike you said: Life is full of trying. But trying includes failing and that's okay. We can't be perfect and there's no need to be perfect. Not because our imperfections are so adorable, but because only with failure, we have really lived: We have to treasure all the great moments, experience ups and downs and learn from our mistakes. This way we can say we've lived and only this way we're unique.
I hope you have a lovely week! Cute daughter, lovely husband, cute kitties :)
Don't you ever forget to smile :)
Louise, you are a brilliant mother, looking in from the outside makes me believe you were born to be one. You work but are still able to spend a lot of time at home with Darcy, you provide everything you can for her whilst also pursuing your own passions - you've struck a lovely balance between the two.
ReplyDeleteAs far as being everything.... You can be anything, but not everything. I think the best you can do is to be you and live life in a way that makes you and your family happy.
Ok, I'm not your typical viewer but, I hope I can help. We don't see all of your life, we only see the bits you feel comfortable sharing (which is understandable, everyone needs their privacy), but from what we do see, we can tell that you are a wonderful mummy to Darcy and that Matt is lucky to have found you. without personal experience of being a mother it's hard for me to say what to do, but from being mothered I can see that you are doing brilliantly the way you are, but like anyone else you want to be better. I wish you good luck but don't be too hard on yourself, you're an amazing and inspirational women :).
ReplyDeleteHarry, UK
Oh, Louise. It's like you're reading my mind. I'm a mom of two boys - a 3 year old and a 3 month old. I actually discovered you a couple months ago during my maternity leave. I feel the exact same way. I have a career I love and I also love being a mom. I travel for work periodically and often feel torn bc I honestly want to be in both places at once. It's a luxury for us to be career mothers, but the side effect for me is often feeling like I'm not doing either as well as I'd like. From the outside looking in at you, you DO seem like an earth mama. Your recent post about Darcy truly inspired me to think about myself as a mom and inspires me to improve. Seriously. I re-read that post often and thought about printing it out. You are not alone and are inspring other mothers! We need to be easier on ourselves. Take care and hugs to you and your adorable girl.
ReplyDeleteAlso have to say I really appreciate this post. I don't think I'm your normal demographic - 30-something mom of two - but I found you through WhatsUpMoms. :)
DeleteWhat a lovely sincere post x
ReplyDeleteYou are everything in the eyes of your daughter :)
ReplyDeleteLove a good impromptu, must get it pit of me post. We can never be all the things to all the people. You, like me and most of the female population expect way too much of yourself. We love you, your family love and support you, just you do you! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly how I feel, even though it may be about different things as I'm only a teen, I feel like this about so many things. You don't know how much is too much and whether something you do is good or bad. A lot of the time you find yourself just questioning 'why' or 'how'? You want to be respectful, humble, empathetic, but still strong, and not give up yourself. Sometime's you even feel like you cannot be this person you so wish to be because of certain situations, or just internal pull of many different feelings that do not fit: they are opposing forces. You find yourself thinking something and immediately saying, should that be something that is okay to think or not? It's such an everyday thing but it is hard to deal with if you think about it and I still don't know fully what to do. I'm glad I know that others feel the same, but I think that, going along with your YouTube culture post, we 'idolize' the parts of YouTubers' lives that we do see just because even if you all are putting out only their best sides on videos, we can strive to be like you because we admire those things about you all. I admire you so much as a person, you're such a wonderful mother, wife, and person in general, and I wish that when I grow up I can be as wonderful of a person as you are.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing mother and i can only hope I can be as amazing as you are when I am older! Thank you! <3
ReplyDeletelushlolita.blogspot.com :)
I mean this is just…..whoa….I just…..I don't even know what to say. This is so deep and so inspiring and a bit sad and forces one to really stop and think all at the same time. I am new to the blogging world and so I also just started really exploring other blogs out there. I can honestly tell just by seeing this one post that you are an amazing mother. And I am sure if you are this concerned and have given it this much thought, that you are probably doing a perfect job and should not be questioning whether you're distributing any of your percents correctly :-) <3
ReplyDeleteThis post made me smile throughout; it was so beautifully written, and although I'm just 15, and would not know for a while, what you must be feeling, I felt your emotions, your sincerity and your passion for Darcy. I nearly cried.
ReplyDeleteI have watched your videos for quite some time now - more than two years? And you're just such an inspiration to me: you seem to be such a good mother, and it is apparent that you care very deeply for Darcy. Your relationship with her just makes me look forward to being a mum in the future even more, and you've truly inspired me to be a great mother one day, just as you have been one.
Justbabblingalong.blogspot.com :) xx
You are such a wonderful writer! Darcy is so blessed to have you as her mother!
ReplyDeleteblousesandblush.com
I think everyone knows you're doing a great job at being a mother and wife and balancing a career. Your best is all anyone can ask for and we definitely see you doing that! :)
ReplyDeletehttp://miss-jordanocean.blogspot.com
I love the realness of this post! You're a wonderful, wonderful person Louise!!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Texas!
Mars
http://marleewho.com
That you consistently reflect on who you are as a woman, a wife, a friend, a professional, and a mother is what is guaranteed to make you a wonderful mother. To be aware of your strengths and weaknesses is an incredible accomplishment. You are a role model to thousands of girls and young women (and I'm sure males as well) for who you are, not who you are not or who you could be. Your daughter will see the effort you make (well, one day when it occurs to her that you're human not simply the goddess-like entity of Mother) and feel the love you share, and that is more than enough to compensate for any lack of power suits and organic raw vegan breakfasts.
ReplyDeleteIs Darcy happy?...then she's got all the percentage she needs x
ReplyDeleteLaura | A Life With Frills
It's sort of bittersweet this. It's lovely that you want to be the best person you can be for everyone, but also the people in your life probably like you just the way you are. I reckon we all go through moments of wishing/wondering we were somebody else but, be happy with just being yourself, everyone else is taken. X
ReplyDeleteHi Louise,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you "thank you" because this post made me feel like I wasn't the only person who was feeling this way. What you wrote about in this blog post is something I have been contemplating about in my head (for about two weeks now) and it's been very difficult to put into words how I feel. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one. I don't know if you'll read this comment I am posting but if you do I wanted you to know that I really do think you are amazingly hardworking and I actually find what you do (be a pretty successful blogger/youtuber) to be something I wish I could do. I struggle with blogging and I have even yet to make my own youtube channel due to fear & lack of confidence. The other day I was watching your vlog from your "experience" panel at Vidcon. When you brought up that girl from the audience and gave her a boost of motivation to make a youtube channel really gave me the courage to give it a go. I decided to team up with a friend of mine who is also interested and we are hoping to make a channel in the next couple of weeks. Whether my channel becomes successful or not, I just want to give it a try because at the end of the day I don't want to not try and live with regrets. So yeah.. sorry for the random ramble but basically my point is .. You are an inspiration to people (more than you probably know) and I just wanted tell you thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone.
Sincerely,
Crissy
http://www.whimsicalfawn.com/
Thank you so much for sharing this post Louise! Because I feel like this sometimes (a lot) too. A lot of people don't realise how hard it can be trying to be successful and work hard and be an amazing wife and mummy. I think we have to go easy on ourselves and remind ourselves that we are good enough.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure a lot of the mothers we see, who seem to be balancing everything feel exactly the same way. I feel that with every success comes a little guilt because of the sacrifices you make when you do put your career first. But don't be hard on yourself because Darcy loves you unconditionally and will appreciate your hard work, she won't want a 'perfect mummy' just you.
Next time you feel like this just remember how many other working mums are going through the same thing and that your husband married you for the person you are, so you don't need to be anyone else.
Celebrate how well you do and enjoy all those moments when you're not working. Most of all don't feel guilty because you have achieved so much, hold your baby tight and remember the opportunities that your success will bring her too. And most of all remember you're not alone in feeling this way.
xxx
Love this post! x I know I'm not old enough to have the same questions like you do, but I have my own and sometimes that's just overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteLove, Sara Wallflower
http://sarawallflower.blogspot.com/
No one is perfect and never will be. It is about learning to forgive and accept ourselves. Ever did karaoke? I only did it once and felt a bit awkward, because there were people who were stunning (but they practice a lot, sing in a band, are musical actors or simply naturals), but once I did it, i realised it was ok to be not perfect, I did it anyways! I wish I could live as freely as that every day, but it is hard work not to judge myself, not to overthink what others might think of me, what I think I should be and do for others. I will never be the perfect friend, daughter or girlfriend, because it is too hard to live up to other peoples expectations. We are all flawed. So what?! Love and forgiveness <3 :) !
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely adorable. You shouldn't be hard on yourself! One little thing I always try to remember when I'm feeling down is that everyone has good points and everyone has bad points but these even each other out - and everyone is perfect in their own little way. From what we see and they way you talk about Darcy and Matt you seem such a great mother and wife. I'd love to have someone like you as a friend, sister or whatever - I love your personality. You're so uplifting, caring and you aren't afraid to tell people how you are really feeling.
ReplyDeleteYour posts are always so inspiring Louise! Always such a pleasure to read xx
ReplyDeletehttp://ablogbymegan.blogspot.co.nz/
Louise,
ReplyDeleteThis was so elegantly and perfectly put. Im not a mother or a wife, im a 20 year old student . But i struggle with similar thoughts to these every day. Wanting to be everything to make everyone happy but not having enough hours in my day or energy to spread myself between work and university and family and a social life. This post made me feel relieved that im not the only person who feels this way. Thankyou so much for putting your thoughts and feelings out for all to see. And thank you for making me feel like im not the only one :)
xx Emily
You are the most perfect Mum ever, and this is the most beautiful post you have written. I can not agree more with anything you have said, and have nothing left to say. Thanks again :)
ReplyDeletehttp://karisatkinson.blogspot.co.uk
Karis x
Aww this is too cute but so true, I say spend as much precious time with little Darcy as time flies by and she won't be so little anymore :(
ReplyDeletehttp://brainybeautyblog.blogspot.co.uk
xx
I'm only 17 and so I can't really relate to this post or give you any advice. All I can say is that my mum is none of those things either but she's the best mum in the world to me- I'm sure Darcy views you the same, don't ever doubt yourself :)
ReplyDeletehttp://lilemilyjane.blogspot.co.uk/
Beautifully written post! I saw your video the other day too and I'm sorry you're feeling a bit confused and emotional at the moment x
ReplyDeleteElesaurus
such a sweet post.
ReplyDeletexx
daniella
simplybeautifulelegant.blogspot.com
I can totally feel you in this post. You go darling.
ReplyDeletesimplicityanddesiree.blogspot.com
Hi Louise,
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Everyone feels like this as some point (more often for some), I know I'm starting to have similar thoughts as I get ready for my first baby, juggling motherhood, wife duties and a career (although not as busy as yours!). As long as Darcy is happy and you've got a good relationship with your husband, don't feel too down on yourself. It will also be a bit of a struggle I'm sure. Just make sure you've got people around to support you and you do what you want to do (and make sure you're happy) then you can't give any more.
Chin up and try not let these feelings overwhelm you (if/when they do, please just talk to someone - it will make you feel a whole lot better...even if it's just for a short time :) )
You should't let life get you down so much, once you do it's hard to get back. Great post and I hope you feel better soon x
ReplyDeleteGegsy Lifestyle Blog
Louise u r an awesome person so stop being so down on yourself it doesn't do u any good!
ReplyDeleteU r a great mum
I really liked this so personal post. I found it very thought provoking! I think you should be yourself because that's all you can be and I really like you as you! x
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately there is no solution as you can not be all of these things 100%. However, I believe that if you love the people who mean a lot to you with 100% of your heart, those things don't matter. If you are giving them 100% of your love then you are doing your best and they are receiving the best.
ReplyDeleteI am not a mother and I haven't had to deal with this kind of thing really but don't let it get you down. You are giving your daughter the best thing ever, a loving family, she doesn't need much more than that
Xxx <3
pastelowl.blogspot.com.au
Absolutely Adorable, Louise <3
ReplyDeleteLouise you should be proud how what a lovely girl Darcy is growing up to be :)
ReplyDeleteI think we just have to remember that no one is perfect! No one can be good at everything but all that matters is that we just try our best. Be proud of what you do and continue to do your best :)
ReplyDeletehttp://bryonygrace13.blogspot.co.uk/
Your effort and love are not finite things. As we all live in moments, we are able to give 100% at that moment. That is the key thing to remember-- as long as you are giving your best effort in as many moments as possible, you are succeeding. Thank you for sharing this moment of ... discouragement (?) with us, but I hope it passes! <3
ReplyDeleteI and thousands of others think you are wonderful! I know that is not always comfort but the love of your family will reinforce this. You and Darcy and your husband are lucky to have each other :) xx
ReplyDeleteYou're such an inspiration to so many people♡
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Loved reading it :*
ReplyDeletewww.annedortheandersen.dk
Amazing post, it really touched me; I can relate. Please keep posting its amazing writing.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely something I can relate to. It seems too often that there's a disparity between who we are and the many, many people we want to be. I find I'm feeling rather lost as of late, being random percentages of certain things but not 100% of one thing. Good to know I'm not the only one. x
ReplyDeleteHi Louise,
ReplyDeleteYou have just summed up what most, no, what all mums feel. It can feel a little overwhelming when you think about all of the things you want to be, all of the things that you are, all of the things you are not. Just thinking these thoughts shows what a lovely mum and person you are. You can only be you and that is more than enough.
www.lauraevelynbee.co.uk
aw louise, i love you i really do! I just thought I'd let you know that your a huge inspiration to me. I mean what kind of a person can bring up a child, maintain their blog, upload youtube videos, spend time with their hubby, make time for friends aaaaaaaand attend all these social events there invitied to? Only a superhuman! I completely get where your coming from though, I don't have a child but of late I've been feeling completely and utterly lost and I truly hope I found myself soon because big decisions await which need answers to! I constantly feel though that I have a constant battle with being myself, and being someone I want to be, if that makes sense? Anyway, I loved this post, as I love every post xxx
ReplyDeleteallthingssimplysimple.blogspot.com
Louise your perfect the way you are :)) http://itscaitlinhere.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteLouise you're an inspiration to many mothers out there, you work so hard at your career as well as being a mum to Darcy and a wife to Matt. Nobody is perfect and I'm sure Matt and Darcy love you for who you are and appreciate everything you do for them. Never give up and on days you feel down just remember how blessed you are to have such a wonderful family and friends. x
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post Louise, I know how you feel and I'm sure every one else does too, we all strive to be 100% but we all strive for too much perfection that's unachievable. As humans, we always want more. I know that you're a fabulous mother, wife and career person. I hope you begin to feel better about things soon, low points like this will pass :) x
ReplyDeleteWhat Rachael Wrote
The comforting thing is that everyone feels like this, even the hypothetical girls you wrote about. Absolutely everyone, at some point, has looked at themselves and then looked at others and compared. Or wished they were more and/or better. Being the best, though, or being the most of anything isn't the key to a happy life. Loving and finding happiness in what we have is the true key.
ReplyDeleteThat and red lipstick.
I'm such a card har har
http://beautyazade.blogspot.co.uk
I love this post. For what it's worth, I think you do a wonderful job giving 100% to everything you can. It may not always fulfill our own expectations, but that doesn't make it less meaningful and amazing. xx
ReplyDeleteThis post is so great, and I can relate to it even though I'm not a mother and won't be for sometime. I'm definitely feeling this pressure right now to be the "perfect college student who is so successful and cutting edge and will have an awesome career" even though it is mainly myself who is creating that stress. I'm so lucky to have wonderful parents who are so supportive and don't put that pressure on me, but I still do it to myself and I have no idea why! Haha I guess we are all like that and worry too much about the things and people we aren't, that we forget to be thankful and proud of who we are and the attributes that we actually do have!
ReplyDeleteDarcy is lucky to have such a great person like you as her mother! :)
xx
Kendra | It's a Bug's Life
Hi,
ReplyDeleteYour little girl is so cute :)
Xo, Elodie
Man Louise, you really are the coolest, thanks for this.
ReplyDeleteHi Louise - I've been reading your blog and following you on YT for a while, but have never commented before. I'm 45, a lot older, I imagine than the majority of those who read/watch you, and I just wanted to say that what you're feeling is totally natural. Women are hardwired to feel guilt, and never more so, IMHO, than in the tough years of early motherhood, particularly when trying to sustain a good relationship with your husband and have a fulfilling work life as well. I don't have any brilliant advice to give, other than to say that as you get older, things get easier - I'm not sure whether the demands on us decrease or whether we learn to manage them better, but I certainly feel less guilty and thinly spread these days than I did fifteen years ago. Best of luck x
ReplyDeleteLouise I don't think anyone can be any one of those things 100% because everyone is human and not a cardboard cutout. Of course everyone dreams to be that cardboard cutout, much like everyone dreams to be that person in their magazine with flawless beauty and absolute ease in their lives. But the thing is, and I will admit I don't know you personally, only internet-ally, I think you do you well adn to 100%. I don't look up to you becuase you're this person up in the heavens and flawless and oh-so-lardy-darr, but because you are a person and you are 3d and, for me, that person is far better than any cardboard cut out
ReplyDeletewww.justalittlebitoftwaddle.blogspot.co.uk
my life in one post!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing post! It's very rare that I read a post and say yes that's me, and yes that's me also. I think we all trying to be happy and trying to make other people happy and than stop for a second and reflect whether or not we are doing a good job out of it. P.S. You're incredible!
ReplyDeleteLouise this was so deepand inspirational omg your blog is perrrf x
ReplyDeletePlease check out our blog where we post about music, fashion and beauty! It would mean soooo much
www.ourfavthingsx.blogspot.com
This is such a beautiful post and nearly made me cry! I think trying to stay/be happy is one of the hardest things in life, I love how you talk about watching your daughter sleep and you noticing everything. Children are so naive and unspoilt - I'm almost jealous! Lovely photos too! Abi :) myw0rldmyview.blogspot.co.uk
ReplyDeleteI really hope you realize that just because you feel you aren't those kind of women, doesn't mean you aren't enough. You weren't meant to be them. You were meant to be you. And you are wonderful. Giving 100%, to me, does not mean having to divide up yourself so you are a little bit of everything. It means committing to the things that are important to you and letting yourself fall fully into those moments, even if you can't have those moments all the time. I don't like to see you in a condition that is anything less than sparkling and sprightly, because I feel like you deserve to feel like that all the time. But I respect you more because you are not always like that -- because you are a person, and you share the less than sparkling moments with us, even though it might be just a little bit terrifying. You are never too old to figure out the person you are, and getting to know yourself and is never time wasted. If you think you can do something, you can do it. If it doesn't feel like you, think about if it's something you really want in the first place. You can try to be anything, but you've got to build peace with yourself and be true to who you are, otherwise they'll clash. This can be hard if you aren't always kind to yourself, as I've learned, because if you're like how I used to be, when you screw something up, you feel like you should just be someone else, anyone other than who you are. I'm sure wanting to be the right person for your daughter to witness and learn from is very important concern for you, but as long as your love for her is in your heart, and is the motivation for your choices in the person you decide to be, I think you're doing right by her by trying to do right by yourself. You don't need red lipstick or power suits to be a good person and a good role model. But you do need to be genuine, and I admire you, because I feel like you have already achieved that.
ReplyDeleteLouise, I obviously don't know you personally but I can see how fantastic of a mother you are. Right now in Darcy's life that's the best thing to be! You're a wonderful person, girl. Don't feel like you ever fall short of anyone's expectations- especially yours. :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.misshannahmae.com/
Aw Louise this post is just so lovely, I just love how down to earth you are, it's so endearing. Yours and Darcy's relationship makes me so happy, and if it's anything to go by, I think you look like a great mum to Darcy, an amazing wife to Matt and just a wonderful inspiring person in general! :-) x
ReplyDeleteNnedi / iamncxo.blogspot.co.uk
That's so beautiful louise! You're doing a great job and you look like a brilliant mother, you're fortunate to have a job that allows you to spend lots of time with Darcy and you're definitely a successful career woman!
ReplyDeleteAnna http://collectionsofimperfections.blogspot.com/
Love the photos, so cute <3 :)
ReplyDeletehttp://chloebee1.blogspot.co.uk/
Louise you have such a way with words :) <3 You took all the feelings that pretty much sum up life and put them on paper in such a concise and honest way. I guess we just need to take a step back sometimes and realize that even though our percents don't fall into defined categories, all our little percents do count! And one day all those little random percents will add up to something we'll be proud of. :) Thank you for such an amazing post. Lots of love! xoxo
ReplyDeletehttp://uhohmaggio.blogspot.com/
Louise this was such a good post <3
ReplyDeletexoxo
http://foreveramber123.blogspot.co.uk/
This was a lovely thing to read, as I feel everyone goes through this in life. I constantly want to do so many things and be so many things and have so many different qualities and it is frustrating to think.. I just can't do/be/have everything, it's not possible. This is something I've been thinking about for a long time and I'm really glad so many other people feel the same way, as pretty much everyone in the comments is agreeing, which is.. almost a relief, to know you are not alone to think this way? Anyway, I won't ramble on for long.. But thank you for making this post Louise, it has put a big smile on my face to know that, well, I'm not alone to feel this way! xxx
ReplyDeletehttp://blogthiswithhannah.blogspot.co.uk
Those kittens are just so adorable! It makes me want them even more, even though I'm allergic to them haha and you just have such a sweet family Louise :')
ReplyDeleteWould anyone mind coming to check out my blog? I'm pretty new here and so far don't have any followers but blog almost everyday and would really appreciate anyone taking a look? Thank you :) xx
http://bryonygrace13.blogspot.com/
Louise, I think we all have these moments where we become introspective on our own lives. Maybe it was meant to be that no one was around so you could take time to think about it for yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou do a fabulous job with everything! I didn't even realize how much was out there on YouTube and the amazing people's lives we get to see until my cousin introduced me to your channel.
When you need positive vibes, remember you are wonderful for all that you are now. Plus, who says you're not a career woman?! YouTube is more than a full-time job and so is being an amazing mother!
I try to look in a mirror and tell myself the things I love about myself and my life when I'm struggling to be happy. I get those moments of what am I even doing in life?! I feel so unfulfilled! Why am I not good enough?! But they pass, and this will too. :)
I think the fact that you are asking these questions and wanting to be able to give her all of yourself proves that you are a wonderful mother! There are so many mothers who just don't care enough and seeing how much of your heart you have given not only Darcy but Matt as well is so overwhelmingly touching :) Thank you for being such a wonderful role model and a lovely human being!
ReplyDeletejordannicole07.blogspot.com
As others have said, this post proves that you're doing an amazing job. I can't imagine taking on all of the responsibilities you have. You may not always feel like a superwoman, but you most certainly are one :)
ReplyDeleteBridget
girlplusmaritimes.blogspot.ca
I love this post. I think we all feel this way all the time, we just don't always express it. But then again I feel that an even amount of all the above is good. With a little more of your percent's going towards the things you love the most. example the mother and wife one, obviously you adore Darcy and Matt.. so as long as you are doing that, i think you are spot on. :D It is good to see that we all at times wish we were more of something else... but i think that is what makes us better people... because once we see what we want to be more of, we can then begin to work towards it, even if only in tiny amounts. I guess that's what they call growth.
ReplyDeleteIt's a constant battle for us women, I want to be all these things, when I have the energy that is. Let me know if you find the answer ;)
ReplyDeletewww.mumswearlipstick.blogspot.com
Louise that was really wonderful what you wrote there, and I think it is something what most mothers in this day and age think about in this fast paced world. But can I just hope that sometime in the future when Darcy may be an awkward teenager and starts having a go at you (I hope she doesn't but hey we're teenagers) tht she finds this blog post and realises that you love her so very much xx :)
ReplyDeleteIf you like to, please check out my blog : http://another-ordinaryblog.blogspot.co.at/
ReplyDelete