Relationships with Boys || Monday Insights #3

Aloha Sprinklerinos,

With any luck you read THIS post from a couple of weeks ago and fully understand what is going on here. If not, in a nutshell, every Monday you are given a topic to freely ask whatever you like about and I will answer the next week. Hopefully the topics provided will be of interest to both of us and we'll both learn something new. Plus, it's a great opportunity to be totally nosey. --- We can put a man on the moon but blogger can't centralise this!

Last week I asked you what you wanted to know about Relationships with Boys (you might want to call them guys/men etc, it's all the same to me) and so now is the time to answer all your questions. As always, I'm no expert on the matter, I'm just a woman who has led her own life and these are the answers I would give to a friend, sister or cousin. You get the jist. 

These week I've cut it down to 15 questions, otherwise we would be here for fifty years and you all have lives to lead!

Relationships With Boys

What do you think about boys being "out of your league"? Is that a real thing?

At university I studied something called the Social Exchange Theory. It suggests that everybody wants to be with someone who they view as roughly equal to or better than them. This depends on what you place value on though. Things you might value could be personality, looks, wealth, etc. So, technically, I think there might be such a thing as 'leagues', but, since they are so subjective, I would try not to focus on them and be the best person you can. Nothing is more attractive than a fun, confident, happy girl. 

Once you've friendship zoned a boy you used to like, do you think it is ever possible to go back to having feelings for him again?

Yes. What you want changes through time and circumstances so you never know how you're going to feel in the future. 

I have just started dating a boy and now my ex is spreading rumours about me that are not true to people in my school, I'm afraid my boyfriend will think its all true. Any advice on this?

Have a chat with your current boyfriend to tell him that this is happening. Explain to him that the rumours aren't true and ask him to be supportive of you during what might well be a difficult time. If your ex is mature enough (and it sounds like he isn't), speak to him calmly face to face and ask him to stop this behaviour because it is petty and hurtful. If he doesn't or he wants an argument, hold your head high, walk away and rest peacefully in the knowledge that they are lies.

How did your relationship change with having Darcy at what many would regard as a young age?

Having a baby changed my relationship with Matt from man and woman to Mummy and Daddy. It was also a very steep learning curve which I think all parents endure, regardless of age.  I think two years down the line we are back to just being man and woman to each other as parenting has slotted so easily into our lives. We were very ready to become parents as Darcy was a planned addition to our family so the age issue was much less of a big deal than it could have been if she were a surprise. 

My problem is that I really like a boy who already has a girlfriend and I've liked him for 9 months now. What should I do? 

This isn't going to sound fun but I would say- walk away. If he has a girlfriend then he is off the market and I'm afraid you can't have him. Remove your focus from him and think about the other boys you know/just have fun with your friends and family. I know that isn't going to be easy but it would be the honourable thing to do. Sorry :(

Did you know Matt was going to propose? Or was is a total surprise?

I kind of knew because we had discussed it a few months prior and I had pointed out a ring. I didn't know which night or how he was going to do it though. 

I am 18, I never had a boyfriend. This stresses me out a lot. What should I do?

Stop letting it stress you out. It WILL happen. When I was 19 I sat at my Auntie's table and cried because I thought nobody fancied me and I would be a spinster and die alone. Six weeks later I was with Matt and the rest is history. Point is, you never know what's around the corner so enjoy today and let love happen. Oohh what a cliche that was!

Do you ever think you can go back to being friends with someone you were in a relationship with if you were friends first?

Personally I don't but I know a lot of people who are. I think it really depends on the type of people you are and how/why you broke up. Good luck if you are trying to!

My question is have you/how would you get over a boy you really liked but are only friends with and are never going to be more?

This is such a hard one and I have been there. Good old unrequited love. The first step is acceptance. Sometimes you just can't have your own way. It's hard and you feel rejected and angry but ultimately, that's just the way the cookie crumbles. If you are really struggling to come to terms with it, spend less time (if not zero time) with him and cut down on contact. Alternatively, you could let yourself like someone else and you'll soon find you get over that old crush pretty quickly. I'm not saying paper over the cracks with someone new, but maybe open your mind to the possibility of someone new. 

I like one of my close guy friends, who I think used to like me a while ago but I'm not sure if he still does. What should I do? 

If you're brave- tell him how you feel. If you're not- hint. A LOT. I love a bit of risk so I'd just out and out say it. It could turn out REALLY well! 

Did you ever feel isolated getting married at a relatively young age? I'm engaged at 21 and while my friends are excited and happy for me, none of them are at a point in their lives where marriage is in there immediate future, so it's hard to relate to them (or anyone else my age) on that topic.

I totally understand where you are coming from and yes, I have felt isolated. If all your friends are footloose and fancy free, it can feel like you are living in a different world. Just remember though, you have lived in that world and chose this one over it. Eventually some of your friends will catch up to your life milestones and you can all enjoy them together. Until then, focus on all the things you love about being engaged but still make plenty of time to play with your friends (just without the naughty boy fun!). 

How do you know when it's 'right' to move in with your significant other? And do you have any tips for moving into your own place with someone?

I think I wanted to move in with Matt when we realised we were spending every day and night together anyway and that flatmates were just getting in the way haha. The first few months of living together were HELLISH. Seriously, it was nearly the death of us. Every little thing we did annoyed the other one and it took quite some patience to adjust to each others ways. I wish I had gone into co-habitation knowing that because I think I would have amended my expectations accordingly. Go in to it with your expectations low and your patience high and you'll end up pleasantly surprised. 

After being repeatedly rejected in the last couple of years, my self esteem and confidence have taken a major turn for the worse. How do I feel "good enough" and confident again?

Cheesy as it sounds, have some 'you time'. Focus on doing what makes you happy. Pursue hobbies, treat yourself to a curly blowdry, spend sunday mornings in bed with croissants reading books, enjoy life. Once you are doing this and you have learnt to love yourself and enjoy your own company, you'll feel a whole lot more confident. What is more sexy than a woman who knows what she's about?? Not much. I hope you feel better soon. You are absolutely 'good enough' xxx

What are some cool date ideas for teens dating? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, and I'm running out of cute little ideas!

When we were dating in the early days and had hardly any mulas we got inventive. We started doing this thing called the '£1 Date' (which was more like a fiver actually) and it went like this- cook a frozen pizza, slice it, put it in foil (you need to like cold pizza for this to work), take 2 bottles of fanta and put them in your coat pockets. Take tea light candles and matches, put the foil parcel in your handbag and head down to somewhere cute with a bench (we used to go to the Albert Docks in Liverpool if you know it). When you get there, set up your candles, eat pizza, chink your fanta bottles together and enjoy your date night. Cute cute cute. 

What do you think is the most important thing in a relationship? Love, compatibility, trust etc.

Everyone is different on this but for me it's trust. Not just trusting the other one not to run off with some floozy (how old am I saying, 'floozy'), but trust that what they say is what they mean and trust that what you say won't be judged. I trust that Matt doesn't think my jibbly post-baby stomach is horrid and I trust that he didn't think less of me that time I cried because I couldn't park the car. You have to trust that you can just entirely be yourself around them and also trust yourself that they can be theirs. Ahhhhh smooshy. 

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And that concludes this weeks answering portion of Monday Insights. I hope some of those answers have been of help to some of you and apologise if I didn't get to give your question some love. Hopefully next time!!

Next week's topic will be :

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE 

That's VERY broad so I look forward to seeing what you ask. Remember, you can ask anything about me or anything surrounding the topic.

Toodlepip!

xx

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