Motherhood || Monday Insights #4

Aloha Sprinklerinos,

Oops, I'm a little late to my own party aren't I? Apologies for that, I was prioritising. Despite telling myself off numerous times this year for allowing myself to stress so much over various things, it's not a personality trait I can change over night so I'm working on it. It was really hard to tell myself to keep the macbook closed and go to lunch with a friend or take a much needed nap, but for doing it I feel so much better.  So, here we have it, a Monday feature on a Tuesday. Heavens above! Will the world stop turning? No. Do I need to worry about this? No. Good. Glad we're all settled then haha!

If you have no idea what's going on or where you are, THIS POST explains what this feature is all about and might be worth a gander.

This week, our topic was- 

MOTHERHOOD. 

What books/websites/blogs would you recommend to a first time pregnant 26 yr old?

When I was pregnant I absolutely loved the babycentre.co.uk because it is full to the brim with brilliant resources, as well as the book 'What to expect when you're expecting' and a book Mylene Klass wrote about her pregnancy with her first baby, Ava. I now always feel very connected to her because i feel like I shared my pregnancy with her which is a little weird haha. 

I want to be a mother when I grow up but I'm terrified of the pain that comes with giving birth. Should I let it scare me out of having my own baby or am I imagining it worse than it really is?

Personally, I don't think you should let it scare you out of having a child when the time is right for you. Yes, it is very painful and yes, it's everything you see it as on TV, but then you are a mother forever. You have created new life and made the most amazing thing. Think of all the days you will be alive and then deduct 1-3 for labour and childbirth. It's worth it. 

I know about most of the changes to your body after pregnancy (ie boobies, weight gain, etc.) but how goes it "downtown"? How long does it take to recover? I know it can't be the same as pre-baby but is sex super different? SO AWKWARD!

Haha I feel weird about answering this but I'd tell my girlfriends so why not tell the internet? If you have a natural birth (like I did) then a few weeks. I had stitches so definitely a good few weeks/a couple of months. As for 'doowwwnnntooowwwnn' (and please God don't let me dad ever read this now we're talking about my sex life- ew)- everything is absolutely 100% fine. Without being really graphic, if I were to sleep with a new man (calm down, I'm not gonna), he wouldn't know I'd had a child. I can't feel ANY difference and nor can Matt. Happy days. Don't worry about it at all. Your body is magical. 

Were there ever times during pregnancy where you really struggled and wanted it all over with? If yes, how did you cope with those feelings?

If you mean wanted my pregnancy over and for the baby to be born, yes. Toward the end I was very fed up with being so huge and tired and just wanted my body back. I coped by knowing it would soon all happen. If you mean 'over' as in not have a pregnancy or baby at all then I didn't feel that way but my advice to anyone who does would be to contact their midwife and talk their feelings through. 

What were some of the things that maybe overwhelmed you about pregnancy/having a child, and what would you say to yourself beforehand to prepare or inform yourself? 

This is tricky because I still feel a bit overwhelmed or under prepared sometimes. Things that overwhelm me are mainly practical. Like is she getting the right nutrition, am I stimulating her mind enough with learning play, is she tall/heavy/strong enough etc. If you feel the same way, I can't tell you how mind-resting it is to go to your health visitor or dr. We recently went to ours and I had 30 minutes to talk about all the things I was fretting over and so she gave Darcy a good check and she was absolutely fine. I think as Mother's/carers/guardians we worry so much about things we perhaps don't need to but it's part of what makes us a mother. If you didn't worry at all, I'm not sure that would be a perfect thing either. Take solice in the knowledge that you are not alone. 

What was your biggest worry when you found out you were pregnant?

I worried that I would miscarry as it is such a common occurrence. 

Has the fact that you lost your mother young affected the way you are with your daughter? Was that a difficult thing to handle? I ask because I grew up without a father and I am afraid it will be difficult for me to be a parent when I lacked one. 

I can completely understand why you are asking this question. In short, yes, it does effect the way I behave as a Mother. Since my Mother died when I was quite young (7), I can't quite imagine what 'being mothered' feels like and so worried I wouldn't know how to take on the role. I look at other daughters and mothers and can't feel what they feel or understand their bond. I remember feeling very loved and cherished by my Mum but I can't imagine what that would feel like now. Would it be the same as mine and my Dad's bond but more feminine? Would it be like having an unconditional best friend? Would it be ever so comforting? You tell me. 

What I do know is this. I wish desperately that I could have a mother who makes me feel worthy, wanted, safe, loved and special. Because those are all the things I would want for myself, I will give them all to my daughter in abundance. To me, that is what a Mother is. 

Think of what qualities you miss from not having your Father around and apply them to your own parenting when the time comes. I think you'll do a great job. 

How do you tell your friends nicely that baby talk isn't interesting to you without hurting anyone's feelings?

Hmmmmm I think you're walking a thin line there. If you tell them you aren't interested they will be quite offended. Why not try and steer the conversation away gently and get them interested in something else for a few minutes or arrange to do something sans baby? Would you be able to ask the Dad/Grandparents to babysit whilst you and your friends have a night out or go shopping or have lunch? 

Failing that you could always try to be subtle and turn it back on yourself. Like, 'Ooohh I wish I had a baby too sometimes so I could be a bit more involved in these conversations. Sometimes it's a bit hard to imagine how you feel and what your life is like'. That way you're giving your point but not pinning any blame on them or making them feel bad (even if the wishing you had a baby might be a little white lie). Good luck!

Do you think going on nights out and things like that with your significant other is more fun and exciting before or after motherhood?

Errrm yes and no. Before motherhood you have no ties to things and you are free to be hungover the next day or come back late and not care. Once you have a child you need to be back to relieve the babysitter or you want to avoid feeling like a badgers backside after a few too many cocktails! Saying that though, because time alone with your significant other is so rare after motherhood, it's quite a novelty so you do enjoy it more than before. 

Since becoming a mummy are there any special life lessons you have learnt, as a result of raising Darcy?

Not yet but I've only been in the role 2 years so we'll see what crops up. Obviously I've learnt to put someone else before myself and to be a lot more loving and responsible but I think every parent feels that way so couldn't really say they are special to me life lessons. I'll keep you updated. 

I'd like to know if you're the kind of girl who knows what she's gonna name her child..and what made you pick Darcy? (I don't know if that's outta context, I'm just curious!)

Before I even met Matt I had chosen my baby names. I was all set when I was pregnant and had my heart set on a few things. Then, the day we got the results of the gender scan, we were driving home from dinner with my Dad and Matt said, 'What about 'Darcy'?' and it just hit me, 'That is my Daughter's name'. I can even remember the exact bit of road we were on and the exact way the sun was setting over the fields when I was hit with such certainty that Darcy would be her name. We have already decided on a girl's name for when we have another baby but boy's names are still up in the air!

What is the most gratifying part of being a mother?

Being a family. I now have my up, my down and my side to side (Dad, Darcy, Matt and my sister) and feel very secure and happy. Darcy completed that for us and we love watching her grow and be such a huge part of our lives. Awwww (feel free to be a bit sick at that).

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And that's all folks! I really enjoyed answering some of your questions and look forward to what you ask for next week. I think there are only going to be 2 more Monday Insights this year, so if you do want to ask something, make sure you get it in this week or next. 

Monday Insights #5 will be.... DAY TO DAY LIFE.

This is your chance to ask anything you like about the humdrum, mundane, daily bits and bobs that we get up to in Glitter World. If there is any small thing you have ever wondered, this is the time to ask it!

Toodlepip!

xx

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